Retreating Into Silence, Emerging in Chaos
On sitting with other people, while things get weird.
Hi Friends!
It’s Full Moon, so tonight we practice on the Zooms. If you’ve already registered, see you there. If you still want to, you can do that HERE. More info below…
This month, we’ve been exploring the tension between solitude and connection. I got to put this into deep practice last week, while in retreat with my crazy, loveable community of meditators.
Every time I come back from a retreat, my friends (who have never been) treat me like I’m coming back from a Nordic spa (“Wow, you must feel sooo zen right now”). They imagine a week of serene walks through nature, eyes closed, channeling Hallmark-Buddha chill. But in reality, there’s as much turbulence (maybe more?) as there is tranquility… and that’s what we sign up for.
Retreat is the ultimate tension between inner and outer worlds, between self and other, concept and practice. Sure, there are moments of total awe and absorption (laying in the grass under Northern lights was a big one last week). But then, BAM! Turbulence hits. Things come up. They come up when you’re alone in your room, but they really come up when you’re surrounded by others who are also on the mind-bod rollercoaster. Suddenly, what seems easy is hard. Every sound is annoying, every thought, every distraction makes you want to hop on the next train home.
In retreat, everyone is both a mirror and a companion, reflecting all your hang-ups and virtues back at you. Sometimes, they pull you out of your diligent practice. Other times, they anchor you deeper in. You’re sitting there, basking in a mind-made version of enlightenment, when suddenly all you can hear is that guy who breathes like a tractor, or someone burps loudly and the whole room explodes with laughter.
But for every surface distraction, there is a deeper happening: the presence of others starts to erode the sense of being a lone wolf on your own lonely journey. Our shared efforts (and non-efforts), both in seated practice and out of it, start to steady the whole space. The group itself becomes an intelligent body, even as each retreatant fumbles through their own confusion. You might have come seeking alone time, but it’s the messy mix of others that ends up teaching you the most. And that’s the meaning of Sangha.
In our community, we end each retreat with a raucous party full of music (I DJ’d… there was a lot of drum’n’bass) and jokes and wild dancing. It shakes up whatever rigidities have crept in over the week — the scripts about what concentration should look like, the idea that retreat life is somehow cut off from “normal” life. It’s the ultimate assertion that this journey toward depth and clarity is not actually a solo mission - we are in this thing together with every living being, whether they’re practicing alongside us or not. And what’s true in retreat is even more true when we come out of it.
Tonight at the full moon sit, we'll play with this tension - the dance between solitude and connection. We’ll notice how our thoughts and feelings change as we go from sitting in closed-eyed safety to sitting under the raw, real gaze of other people.
Tonight’s Meditation Session
October’s Meditation Session
TIME: October 17 @ 8-9 PM EST
DEETS: In this month's session, we’ll explore the oscillation between solitude and interconnection. We'll tune into how the body and mind react to both and practice maintaining a sense of spacious equilibrium, even under the gaze of another.
COST: This session is offered freely. Please consider paying what you can within your means.
PS. Speaking of retreats…
On December 6-8, I’ll be teaching at this retreat in NYC, where we bring together meditation and the mind-bending, potent healing potential of Ketamine.
Jeff and I are joining forces with our buddies at Cardea - a group of therapists, doctors, and deep medicine facilitators - to lead a small cohort of retreatants (20 people max!) through ceremony, meditation, creativity, and integration.
This retreat is the first of its kind. It’s not cheap, and it’s not for everyone. But if you’re interested, I’d love to see you there. It will be a wild opportunity to be held in ceremony with four deep practitioners of mind and medicine and a small group of open-minded others ready to strap themselves in for the journey!
Info & Registration here: cardea.net/event/mind-bod-adventure-pod-and-cardea-a-mediation-ketamine-retreat/
That’s all for now! See you tonight :)
❤️ Tasha
I'm home from the hospital, so I'll be there tonight! ♥️
Thank you, and thanks to the group for the support! Seriously, I trust you and think of you as a safe place to land. Because of you, I allowed myself to trust a group that I think is pretty awesome. ♥️